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Lately, I've been feeling the ongoing need to simplify things. I guess it mostly started when Emma was born and my life was no longer my own. Being unorganized was only a slight inconvenience to me from time to time. Having piles laying around the house could be easily overlooked and dealt with at other times. Now, in an attempt to keep some order to our lives, organization is more of a necessity. Decluttering is a means to achieve sanity. So, I've been spending a lot of my free time cleaning out closets, drawers, shelves and the like -- all the while flexing my critical eye about what stays and what goes.
But, if we're being honest with one another, aiming for a more organized household is only part of it for me. I feel like an act at the circus with all the balls I have in the air. I work full time. (Granted, I generally really like my job, but it's still 40 hours of my week.) I am a full-time mom of an energetic toddler who is growing up to fast, and to whom I want to give the best of myself. My husband works nights and weekends (up to 60-70 hours some weeks). Money is tight...think wearing Spanx during Thanksgiving dinner! I am attempting to get my side business more formally off the ground -- hoping to contribute more income. Plus filling orders, designing new stuff and fitting in "me" time.
Then there is this blog. Over time I've started to worry over this silly thing. Are my posts entertaining enough? How do I get more followers? Why aren't more people commenting? I wonder if I'll ever be as popular as some of those great, successful blogs? Maybe I should do what I see so-and-so doing. Oh my goodness, I've not posted in a week!
I've lost sight of why I started this blog. I simply wanted to remind you all of the good things in life. Why each and every day has at least one good thing about it. Share some good tips, good finds, good ideas and tell about some good people. Maybe some of you think I've succeeded in this - thanks. But in my heart I feel that, instead, I've mostly just tried to mimic what I see some of my favorite bloggers doing. I've not been genuine. I've not been just me.
It's dawned on me recently that of all the things in life to worry about, this blog should most certainly NOT be one of them. Striving to be a better follower of Christ? Yes. Being a more kind and loving wife to my husband? Yes. Being an involved and present parent to my daughter? Of course. Being the most popular blogger with an overflow of daily comments that lift me up on a pedestal that I built myself? Oh, I certainly think not.
Don't get me wrong. Please. The women out there who happen to have hundreds, some thousands, of followers can claim that fact because they offer truly inspirational, encouraging, helpful, and relatable thoughts and information to their readers. They get it. They are themselves. The difference between them and me? They don't do it for themselves, but others. And I guarentee for most of them it's not about the numbers.
I started out to theoretically brighten everyone's day - even just a little bit. But it didn't take long for me to lose sight of that niche. And somehow, this blog slowly became more of a weighty, self-inflicted chore. I sometimes work on posts during my lunch break. Some days I find myself ignoring house work or calling friends back in the evenings so that I have time to post something. That's not healthy, or the way I want to spend my time.
Again, don't misunderstand me. I still very much enjoy blogging and do sincerely appreciate you. Really. Thank you for sticking with me.
But things will be changing. I promise to be more genuine. More intentional. More me. I may not post as often. I will likely be sharing more of my own thoughts and reflections. I plan to share more GOOD FINDS, GOOD IDEAS, and GOOD TIPS from other bloggers.
Some of this feels like ranting. A lot of it comes from emotions. And a lot of it has to do with insecurity. But as I approach the big 30 (yikes!) and maturity hopefully is taking a stronger hold, I'm realizing that we only get to do this once. I want to look back and enjoy all of this. Not sweat it!
So, that's certainly enough for today. Thanks for listening....if you stuck with me this far. We're all in a little community together, here, aren't we? I hope your day is a GOOD one...and tomorrow even better.